Turtle Poachers Give Away

[Edmunds.Z 43]

Tell the funniest joke in the comments section to win the full gang fund of Turtle Poachers. (Looking to be about 3 million + more to come soon) Jokes will be judged by the members of Turtle Poachers (about 4 or 5 of us) and then we'll give away the money at an arranged time and server. We also have up for grabs two properties on server one. One of which being a 2 crater on the turtle dealer in pyrgos and another on top of the Kavala vigi outpost, you can also win the gear we have stored in ther (CSAT fatigues/GA vests/and free weapons) we've grown bored of the server and have moved on to playing modded custom games of our own. Feel free to drop a joke and take your chance at winning a couple million.

The winner will be selected at 3:00 pm Central Standard time so pick your best joke and bring it forth

Edited February 20, 2017 by Edmunds.Z

[Ajax 643]

A husband and a wife are seated at dinner when the wife drops some tomato sauce on her white dress. The wife says "oh I look like a pig" then the husband says "and you spilled some sauce too!"

How do you make a plumber cry? 

Kill his family 

What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. Eventually we had to take away his bike!

Why was the guitar teacher arrested? 

For fingering a minor.

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?

A man will actually look for a gold ball.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

you can unscrew a lightbulb

[Ajax 643]

How is a girlfriend like laxative?

they both irritate the shit out of you. 

What's the difference between a vacuum and your wife?

your vacuum still blows after 5 years

I really need this...

[AnUrbanNoob 6]

My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen her face when i drove pasta

 

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel

 

What do a woman and a bar have in common?

Liquor in the front, poker in the back.

 

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

 

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

The doctor says I'm Okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

 

I'll be here all night

[PoptartRex 3294]

"SnipeZ for Sergeant"

Sorry @snipeZ I had to.

[snipeZ 363]

So a father and his son is walking through a park. The son steps on a honeybee and the father says no honey for two weeks. They continue the walk and the son steps on a butterfly and the father says no butter for two weeks. Later that evening they see the son's mother step on a cockroach. the son looks at his father and says "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?".

 

 

damn you rex

[Danger 729]

4 hours ago, TheCmdrRex said:

"SnipeZ for Sergeant"

Sorry @snipeZ I had to.

Winner....

[DashTonic 797]

A guy dies and is sent to hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in dirt up to their necks. The guy says, ‘No, let me see the next room.’ In the second room, people are standing in dirt up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally Satan opens the third room. People are standing with dirt up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating pastries. The guy says, ‘I pick this room.’ Satan says Ok and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, ‘OK, coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!’

 

[The Pilot 176]

Two Amish wives are out picking potatoes in the garden when Lavina holds up two potatoes in front of her friend Emily. Lavina exclaims, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's balls!" Emily remarked, "Why? Are they that big?!" Lavina smirked, "No, they're that filthy."

[Ajax 643]

Why did sally fall off the swings?

because she has no arms

why doesn't sally have any arms?

because she got hit by a bus

what did sally get for Christmas?

she doesn't know, she hasn't opened it yet

 

[Mooey 67]

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

 

[Young Mogul 237]

I supported my sisters decision to get an abortion, still would have been cool to become a dad.

[Mooey 67]

[TomKingslayer 29]

Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One is a Goodyear, the other is a great  year.

[Edmunds.Z 43]

3 hours ago, The White Tiger said:

I supported my sisters decision to get an abortion, still would have been cool to become a dad.

Winner Winner Meet me on server 1 whenever and well get you the money

[snipeZ 363]

On ‎2‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 2:36 AM, TheCmdrRex said:

"SnipeZ for Sergeant"

This joke has gone too far.

[Fuzz^ 243]

how do you get a jewish girls number?

Roll up her sleeve

wheres my money bitch

[darn fool 232]

My head hurts now after reading 2 of these

[Abundant 158]

Asylum Gaming

[Haha woah man 4]

How do you know if a black woman is pregnant.

When she goes to remove the tampon, the cotton is picked.

”I think i’m pregnant” said a refugee immigrant. ”When i cleaned my pussy recently, someone stole the soap”

[Homicide 323]

How many Jews fit in a car? 

2 in the front 3 in the back and 2 million in the ash tray.