x a n x

First of all, for you who don't know, I'm xanx.
Now before you just straight scroll down and start being rude to me (which I in some way actually deserved) please take your time and read this.

As many of you know, I wasnt someone who joined in like 2014-2017, I started playing Arma 3 in early December 2018.
As most of you know in what situation I was, forcing to be in house and only having 3 hours of limited area walk every 2 days a week, I started playing the server alot.
My first experience was what made me keep playing the server and forever love it.
Firstly I was clueless, then @Secret Agent took me in his gang called "Underrated Assholes" and taught me everything I know today.
I was just randomly scatting kavala, when 2 POs approached me.
One of them being @Scribble and the other one being @Hadi Mokdad.
I was confused, as they just told me to get in their car, but I was like, oh they're police, I'm safe.
After a short ride, I remember Scribble telling me we'll help you make money, which put a smile on my face as I was still new and had no idea what to do.
So, I was immediately questioning them how are we gonna make money and what's the job, and they explained that they will be my bodyguard as I rob a gas station.
At first, It seemed very fishy, I was like, 2 cops approach me, they want me to "break the law" and rob a gas station, but again, I had nothing to lose so I tagged along.
I wont say anything because it's all recorded by @Scribble Watch at 3:07

 
I remember sitting inside laughing so hard because I couldn't believe, and then, I just heard gunfire everywhere, I was terrified, clueless. At that moment I didn't know they were trolling me so I was so confused as to what the hell is going on outside.
I remember I finished robing the gas station, they told me to get back in the car that we're leaving, then took me to the closest HQ and they each gave me a mil.
I was so amazed, I didn't believe it, I was like this must be a joke or something.
I parted my ways with them and was so happy because I had 2 mil in my bank account, and at that point, being a new player with so much money in my bank account was an amazing experience, I remember having so much fun.

Not too long after that, I parted my ways with -UA- gang and started fighting cartels.
That's where my toxicity started, my ego rose up, and I lost it. I was being rude to everyone, calling people bad and "shitters", but still, it was fun, making money during the day and having countless fights at the night. It was my most enjoyable time on the server.

So that's why I pretty much made this post.
I was rude to people who deserved it, and to people who didn't. I was a jerk, I let my ego talk and I was blind.
Despite the toxicity and all the arguments, I never really "hated anyone" (except Lion, i hated that kid with all my guts.) And everyone who ever asked me why was I toxic and constantly arguing with people, I always sad it's for the memes, to troll them because It was obviously working.
But hey, after some time passes, you clear your head, and you start questioning your past.
That's what brings me here now, after 3 months, I've came to conclusion that I owe everyone a big APOLOGY.
I'm not going to force anyone into forgiving me, just know that if I ever hurt someones feelings, I really am terribly sorry for that, I was carried away by my ego and the bad people I was surrounded with.
If you would like to forgive me, I would really, really appreciate it, just know no bad words coming from me were never aiming to hurt anybody, I just thought it was fun to troll people and argue with them, but believe me people, It really isnt worth it.
Stay positive, stay friendly to everyone, and care for each other, we're all here playing this game on a server we like, we call it a dead game yet we all play it every day, so we all share something same, we enjoy the time we spend on it.

So, as most of you know, not more then 3 months ago, I had my freedom given back to me, but yet I was still playing arma 24/7.
One day, I decided that I have to take a break, but I knew it was not possible, just me telling myself "QUIT THE GAME" would not be enough as I would be on the next morning playing all day. So, I got myself permed.
I didn't cheat, didn't script, didn't really harm the server.
I spammed the chat with racist words, DDos threats and duped one kit and couple of MX tazers just to see how it's like.
Immediately after @destruct pulled me in asking me "what the fuck are you doing" , I immediately told him that I'm trying to get permed because I need a break, I told him what I did, told him what was duped and left.

It's been nearly 3 months since that day, and honestly, I miss the server so much. I miss all of you. I miss all the cop chases, all the fights, all the fun in Kavala.
It's been 3 months, I've cleared my head and changed as a person.
Currently im in @Grandma Garys and @Aress hands with my ban appeal. 
I will tell you guys the same thing I told them.
I will no longer be the same xanx, I wont offend people, wont be toxic and will try my best to help everyone in anyway I can.

I really do hope I didn't waste your time with all this, because it really means alot to me.
Especially I want to apologize to @Mercury, after you permed me, talked to me, reduced it to a month, I promised to you that I will never be in a such a situation, yet I failed you man, I'm sorry.
I want to apologize to @Ryan for the message I sent to him that day when I was trying to get permed as quick as possible, as it really distrubed him. Buddy you know me more then that, and I know that deep down there somewhere, you know I would never do such thing, especially to you, like @JAMIE you were always there to help me when I needed help.


My boys, community, once again, I am sorry for being a bad person in the past.

With much love, xanx.

"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When wediscover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies"